Today was fairly good... NOT! Last night I did some things that made today TERRIBLY BAD. First of all I was taking Molly to the aquarium, but we got down there and there was nowhere to park, so we gave up. We drove to the H&H, where we bought a bottle of Evan Williams from that liquor store near there and tried on army helmet and sailor hats in the store. Then we drank the Evan Williams, and at the Current Gallery I drank their red wine. Then at Molly's apartment we played cards while drinking the bourbon and Jared came home and made us all WEIRD DRINKS that were pretty good and were full of rum or something and some other stuff. Then I went to Morgan's house where I was given beer. Then I went to the Metro Gallery where Aran and Emily were performing and I drank... let me see... several hundred beers there. And then a Jagermeister thing with Mike and Mattymetro at Club Charles. This is just to preface the following paragraph. So I'll leave out the part where MIKE PUT HIS BIKE IN MY CAR AND THEN STOLE MY CAR.
In this paragraph I will describe to you the glorious (NOT!) day after. I woke up and I felt worse than ANYTHING EVER HAS FELT. I texted Jen and asked her to come over and shoot my head off with a gun. Then I saw that Amy was texting me so I tried to text back but THE SCREEN WAS SO BRIGHT IT HURT MY HEAD AND MADE ME WANT TO THROW UP. IPHONE!!!!!! Also I couldn't finagle the letters on the imaginary keyboard it has so I called her and we chatted about how I'm a drunk and ruined my life. Well she didn't say that, she's very nice. So then I get out of bed to go pee and I'm nauseous. I convince myself I won't throw up because I can just calm myself down and it won't happen. Just then I SAW THE EVEN WILLIAMS BOTTLE ON THE DESK AND I PROJECTILE VOMITED. Then I HID the bottle somewhere so that wouldn't happen again. But THEN I FORGOT WHERE I HID IT HENCE WHY I AM SO INCREDIBLY SOBER RIGHT NOW. One thing I did while dead was I had a dream that I was wearing my supercool neon green and red converse shoes in the mall and some kids said they were cool and I turned around and said thanks, and one kid said he was going to go to the Foot Locker and get him some, and I turned around again and said "Good luck, because you can't get these in the store, Converse made them especially for me!" and then I ran into the wall! IN MY DREAM!
Next, I had to call my mom and explain that I couldn't come to Miss Shirley's for birthday lunch cause I was throwing up. She was really mad because she rearranged her whole day for it. So I thought about it for a while and called back and said I would try to make it. But then she mentioned that she had just left and didn't bring my birthday present with her because she didn't think I was coming. So then I was like, you're right, I should stay in bed.
On one of my journeys to the sink, my roommate Candice told me that the sink was clogged up with potting soil, and I looked at it and it was, but all I had to do was diddle the hole with my finger and it came unclogged. And I was thinking to myself, "I am diddling this hole with my finger." I felt incredibly gross.
TWO guys in Fell's Point today told me they liked my outfit, which was just green sweatpants and a red hoodie. Jen told me the one guy was being sarcastic. I'm not sure he was. I think the second guy was being real because he was pretty gay.
Okay Amy is off work and we're going to go get dinner! YES FOOD! Bye
Love,
Chuck
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